Some couples new to Loveawake dating site assume that Loveawake is just another kind of D/s relationship, but there are some differences. One of those is that in a relationship it is the husband's responsibility to lead and more specifically to be a servant-leader.
Unless the couple are enamored by a master-slave relationship, the husband should be taking the lead by demonstrating his concern for his wife's well being. There are any number of ways this concern can be expressed, including by a disciplinary spanking.
| 2. A reasonable expectations|
However, the husband should not be sitting back and doing nothing while the wife does all the work. It is perfectly fine for the husband to have reasonable expectations about how he would prefer some things in the house to be, and his wife should be willing to make those changes, but he should not be sitting around expecting her to do all the work while he watches TV or reads the newspaper.
My wife and I have a fairly traditional marriage with traditional roles. She has responsibility for taking care of the home which means she does most of the cleaning, cooking, shopping, etc. I take care of the yard, the home maintenance, the automobile upkeep, the finances etc. However, I am not above pitching in and helping her when she needs help with a particular chore. I sometimes cook, help her clean up the kitchen after dinner, do laundry, clean the bathrooms etc.
I do not give my wife lists of chores to do: she is perfectly capable of managing our home. In fact, if I were to begin to meddle in this, I would only gum up the works lol ! She does a lot for me that I never asked her to do. She takes notice of the things I like and makes sure she provides those things for me. She spoils me. : )
Although I am the head of our home and have final say authority, in many ways I see our relationship as a partnership. A committed relationship depends on both having equal responsibility toward the health of the relationship. Being the head of the home does not mean being a dictator. The more that both share the responsibilities of living together, the more likely the relationship will provide for the individual needs of both members.
Neither of us are perfect in our commitment, but just the simple recognition that it takes the effort of two to make the relationship work goes a long way in fulfilling the relationships promise.
| 5. How did this not get any replies|
I am shocked that this received no replies for more than a year! Stephen, I thought this was beautifully expressed.
What you described is very close to what I want in a husband. I have long wanted to be submissive to a man, but not just because he's a man. No, it had to be because it was clear that I could trust him to have my well-being in mind.
I think it's always important for men to remember that a woman may want to submit and learn respect. But if she is taken advantage of or shown reason that she cannot trust the man in question; then one shouldn't be surprised if she takes back the proverbial "reigns."
Of course the woman must also give her man a chance to be trusted. Ideas and decisions should not be shot down before they're tried. But over a period of time, it should be clear what is more important to that man: the care of his woman, or more selfish pursuits.
The man who shows great love receives great reward; likewise for the woman. It's only that we have different strengths and weaknesses, and therefore different ways of expressing that love. I hope this all made sense and doesn't come across as drivel. I'm writing it at 1:30AM, so do be kind.
| 7. On Being the Servant Leader|
The decision to overhaul our relationship was a mutual decision and so far it has proven to be the right one. Prior to deciding how we were going to do this I researched a lot of blog sites and none of them truly fit what we wanted. The one thing that was missing from the variety of blog sites regarding HOH or DD (or the miriad of their variants) was the concept of the leader as the chief servant of the relationship. To lead is to serve. It is the service of those being led, in this sense both my wife and our marriage. This seemed essential to me in order to have a marriage that would be mutually fulfilling. It also places the bulk of the responsibility for its success or failure on the leader where I believe that it should be.